Of course, these are some of the tried and true gags that have worked over the years. But, perhaps you’d like to pull an April Fool’s gag that you haven’t pulled in years past. What do you do?

One thing you can do is go political. Since this is a presidential election year, why not replace the household toilet paper with a roll of Hillary? Or, perhaps a funny Barack Obama t-shirt or George W. Bush Out of Office Calendar will have to do. One of the funniest devices this April Fools season is the Hillary Nutcracker.

She has stainless steel thighs and can crack a pair of walnuts faster than you can say “Bill and Monica”! Perhaps politics isn’t your forte but you’d still like to get the message of laughter across.

There is always the Wine Rack (that doubles as a beer bra) or the funny baby pacifier with wacky teeth or a pig nose or even the fake tattoo sleeve that will shock and awe your family and friends.

You may also wish to get a fake tongue, nose or chin piercing complete with two-sided magnets so that no actual injuries occur. Of course if you brain is scrambled with too many choices there is always the famous and fabulous fart machine to fall back on.

The point is that this year April Fool’s Day is happening live all day next Tuesday. The time to prepare for fun and frolic is right now. Strike first and watch the fun unfold all day long.

Well, then it’s time you bought a few funny fishing t-shirts and headed to Florida or Texas or another locale where they grow them bass-tards big. You may not be a master baiter but you can learn to be one reeling in 10-pounder after 10-pounder. If all goes well you’ll have plenty of fresh fish for dinner. If you get skunked then their always the beer drinking and BS-ing aspect that has made your trip worth while.

No matter, what though, it’s important to celebrate daylight savings time or just life in general, by hitting that fishing hole and relaxing for a while. The daily grind will always be there. So, go out now, and just have some fun!

But, now Harley’s have gone mainstream with young urban professionals. Movies like Pirates of the Caribbean, all three of them, have made skulls popular. Gwen Stefani and other stars have made skulls a part of pop culture. And, now skull t-shirts have also followed suit.

Even Wal-Mart and Target are touting their skull t-shirts to the masses to basically promote the idea of conformity through non-conformity. People who have worn skull t-shirts for years are not happy. They have identified themselves with a certain rejection of mainstream values through the wearing of these tees.

Just as rap music used to be underground and a rejection of the mainstream, now it too has assimilated into massive appeal. So, if skull t-shirts, have indeed gone mainstream, what is the counterculture now to do?

X-ray t-shirts are now gaining momentum to try to fill this void. Instead of a skull on the front, X-ray t-shirts show a ribcage and perhaps even a heart on the front. But, X-ray t-shirts do not have the same dark intent as the evil-looking skull on the front of the shirt. So, the counterculture will presumably need to come up with something even newer.

Evil platypus t-shirts, anyone? Anyone?

Funny t-shirts for the next 10 months may poke fun at candidates or political ideology. Since, I’m having a hard time deciding which tees to put on this site and my other political t-shirt website, I thought I would put it up for a vote. All comments are welcome.

Top 10 Candidate Tee Ideas

1. John Edwards: I dropped out of this political race and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.
2. Rudy Giuliani: I dropped out of this political race and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.
3. Fred Thompson Loses Latest Role
4. Bill Richardson for Nice President
5. Barack Star!
6. Yo Mama Obama
7. Hillary Billary 08
8. McCain Needs McWalker
9. Sh*t Romney
10. Mike Fuggabee

Top 10 Political Issue Ideas

1. Is the Iraq War still going?
2. It’s the Economy stupid!
3. Jobs, Jobs, Jobs for SOBs
4. Methamphetamine is not Renewable Energy
5. Red States and Blue States need Green Jobs
6. Imitation Immigration
7. HillaryCare 08
8. I’m Donating My Liver to Cigna
9. Fight the Terrorists on Mars so we don’t have to fight them at home
10. Politics Makes Me Horny

There you have it, two funny t-shirt lists ripe for the pickings this election season. If you have a great slogan of your own, why not take out a Sharpie and write it on a t-shirt?

What the hay? Apparently Fidler who was on the roof quite a bit, was denied previous permits to built his dream home. So, Robert Fidler did a little lawyering a found himself a little known provision that said if a person built a home or castle and it stood for four years without any objections, it was a legal construction.

The city counsel, however is objecting to the idea that Robert Fidler’s home is his castle or vice versa and is saying he has to take it down. So, far Robert Fidler is not cooperating so a siege may become imminent. Soon, there may be sounds of “Run away, run away!” as an evil bunny flies through the air near the castle drawbridge.

While some people are building castles in the air, Robert Fidler may be defending his with slings and arrows. Then again, perhaps Fidler and the city counsel can come to some compromise. Once this is done, they call all go out for White Castles.

Anyway, while I was on the treadmill recently ripping some silent, yet oh so deadly ones it struck me that I don’t know much about farts. I’ve been farting all my life, but I’ve never researched the subject to find out the facts about farts.

So, I did a little research and I want to relay to you 12 fart facts that I didn’t know before and perhaps you didn’t know either.

12 Fart Facts

1. You probably already know that farts are composed of methane and maybe even hydrogen (plus nitrogen). Methane itself is also rich in hydrogen, the same element that may one day power fuel cell cars. So, by extension, we may one day be powering our cars with our own farts (Okay, that’s a stretch, perhaps we’ll use our farts as a fuel additive).

2. Farts are also flammable because of the methane and hydrogen gas. So, yes it is possible to light our own farts and a bit dangerous as you can actually burn your colon by doing so.

3. Farts stink primarily because of the hydrogen sulfide gas mixed in with the methane. Meat, eggs and cauliflower are rich in sulfur and thus are guilty of much of the odiferous nature of flatulence.

4. Beans, beans are good for your heart, but they also have many sugars that the human intestines cannot digest. The bacteria in our intestines react to these sugars and basically blow their tops.

5. The top speed of a fart is approximately 10 feet per second.

6. The average time it takes for a fart to travel to someone else’s nose depends upon conditions such as distance, atmospheric humidity, wind and pungency of odor. Two to three seconds is average.

7. The average volume of farts per person is about 1/2 of a quart. So, in just two days you can fill up an empty milk quart container with your farts.

8. Men and women are relatively even when it comes to farting. Men may fart at a slightly higher volume since men, in general, tend to be larger than women.

9. Fart comes from the Old English word “feortan” meaning “to break wind.”

10. Some people will fart more than others. Those who chew with their mouths open, are high strung or go up in airplanes will fart more than the norm.

11. Some people can hold in farts for hours, but not forever. This is especially true for people who constantly work around other people. But, the farts have to come out sometime. So, when this person falls asleep the bedroom most likely start to sound like a full orchestra.

12. The animal that has the highest output of farts on this planet is not the human nor the cow. It is the lowly termite that gets top honors as its digestive process and diet make it the perfect candidate. Some have even scapegoated the termite into being responsible for global warming, but this is a stretch.

There you have it, a dozen fart facts for your effervescent perusal. Do with this what you will. Send it to your friends. Impress people at parties with this information. Or just sit on it and digest it a bit.

Men have been naming their penises since time began when the first caveman named his appendage “Burt”. But, women are not as inclined as men to give their parts pet names. So, when vajayjay popped up into public consciousness, it was quite a surprise indeed.

I give vajayjay, two thumbs up (pun intended). As Buckwheat from the Little Rascals TV series would have said “Vajayjay is O-Tay!”

Since Survivor seems to be running out of places to host their show, here’s a top 10 list of locations they haven’t tried yet.

1. Survivor Iceland - have the contestants compete in the polar bear swim in the nude
2. Survivor Greenland - have the contestants flee from the falling ice sheets caused by global warming
3. Survivor Japan - contestants sing karaoke and eat bad sushi
4. Survivor Galapagos - contestants compete in tortoise races
5. Survivor Easter Island - contestants knock over those big heads
6. Survivor Bali - contestants try to escape from the nightclubs as terrorists are bombing them
7. Survivor Tasmania - tribes take on that cartoon Tasmanian Devil character
8. Survivor Canary Islands - contestants escape from coal mines
9. Survivor Sri Lanka - contestants beg for food and avoid tsunamis
10. Survivor Manhattan - contestants survive rudeness

Survivor China? What’s next, Survivor Idaho? Perhaps Survivor Idaho can take place in an airport bathroom with several senators in each stall.

I just can’t wait until the final season when Survivor 90210 airs and all the contestants have to live in the clothing shops on Rodeo Drive. Perhaps, before this time, there will even be a Survivor Mall series coming to a shopping center near you. Survivor may have just jumped the shark on this one.

Attendees to Marceau’s funeral were speechless. However, there was a lot of pointing and other gesturing going on. The famed pantomime artist was not buried in a regular casket, but an invisible box Marceau had fashion for himself during his last breath.

The preacher presiding over the funeral did not say and word, but rather gestured towards his eye as if a tear were falling from it. During the open casket viewing, painted smiles were turned upside down into frowns as many coworkers in the mime field were fashioning their own invisible boxes from which to escape.

During his last hours in the hospital, Marceau’s relatives reportedly asked him to say his last words. Marcel Marceau replied “Ack!” During the funeral, the Simon and Garfunkle song “Sounds of Silence” was played repeatedly.