Shittles Candy Bag O’ Tricks

Shittles Candy

Once upon a time, there was a guy named Jake Lamotta (not the boxer) who loved Skittles candy. He would buy a bag every time he went to the store and would savor every single colorful piece.

One day, Jake was feeling particularly snacky and picked up a bag of Skittles on his way home from work. He eagerly tore open the bag and popped a few into his mouth, expecting the usual burst of fruity flavor.

But something was off. These Skittles tasted… weird. Jake couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but they had a funky, almost musty flavor. He decided to try a few more, hoping it was just a fluke.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t. Every Skittle in the bag tasted terrible, like they had been sitting in a musty old gas station toilet for years. Jake’s disappointment turned to disgust as he realized he had just spent his hard-earned money on a bag of stale, nasty treats that he named Shittles Candy.

He couldn’t bring himself to eat any more of them, but he didn’t want to waste them either. So, he got the bright idea to use them as bait to catch some pesky mice that had been lurking around his apartment.

Jake set out the Shittles on little plates around his kitchen and waited for the mice to take the bait. To his surprise, they didn’t seem interested in the Shittles at all! Jake couldn’t believe it – even the mice had better taste than he did.

Eventually, Jake gave up on the idea of using the Shittles candy as mouse bait and decided to throw them away. He held his breath as he dumped the bag into the garbage, hoping he wouldn’t have to smell that gross musty, poopy flavor ever again.

Despite his disappointment, Jake couldn’t help but laugh at what had happened. He never thought he’d be defeated by a bag of candy, let alone one that was supposed to be his favorite.

To make matters worse, his friends and family wouldn’t let him forget about the incident. They teased him endlessly about his failed attempt to catch mice with Shittles, and even started calling him the “Shittle Mouse Hunter”.

Jake took it all in good humor and eventually joined in on the jokes himself. He even started to see the humor in his own misfortune.

The incident also taught Jake a valuable lesson about the importance of checking expiration dates and the perils of blindly trusting his cravings. He made a vow to always inspect his food before eating it, no matter how much he wanted it.

As for the Shittles candy, Jake couldn’t bring himself to eat them again for a long time. But eventually, he gave in to his sweet tooth and bought another bag of Skittles. He cautiously tasted a few pieces, and to his relief, they were fresh and delicious.

Shittles coffee mug

Jake breathed a sigh of relief and savored every sweet, fruity bite. He had learned his lesson the hard way, but at least he had a funny story to tell for years to come.

Just as Jake was finishing the bag of Skittles, he noticed something strange. The colors of the candies were all mixed up, and there seemed to be a strange flavor he couldn’t quite place.

Jake shook the bag and poured the remaining Skittles out onto his hand. That’s when he saw it – there was a lone dingleberry mixed in with the Skittles!

Jake couldn’t help but laugh until he peed his pants. He had finally found a fresh bag of Skittles, only to have it ruined by a rogue dingleberry.

As Jake was carefully picking out the dingleberry from the bag of Skittles, his roommate walked into the room.

“Hey Jake, what are you doing?” his roommate asked, peering over his shoulder.

Jake turned to his roommate with a grin, “You won’t believe what I just found in this bag of Skittles.”

“What? Did you finally get lucky and find the last elusive flavor?” his roommate joked.

“Nope, even better. There’s a dingleberry mixed in with the Skittles!”

“A dingleberry? How did that get in there?” his roommate asked, scratching his head.

“I have no idea, but I’m going to use it to prank someone at work,” Jake said, chuckling to himself.

His roommate shook his head, “You and your pranks. You know, one of these days it’s going to come back to bite you.”

“I doubt it,” Jake replied with a smirk. “Besides, I’m sure whoever gets this dingleberry will appreciate the unexpected surprise.”

Shittles t-shirts

As he pondered how the dingleberry could have ended up in the bag, Jake had an idea. He carefully picked out the dingleberry and placed it in a clear plastic bag. He then wrote a note explaining the story of the bad bag of Skittles and the surprise dingleberry and left it on his coworker’s desk as a prank.

The next day, Jake’s coworker approached him, laughing and shaking his head. “You got me good, man,” he said. “I can’t believe you made up such a ridiculous story just to prank me.”

Jake grinned and explained that the story was completely true. His coworker couldn’t believe it, and they spent the rest of the day sharing stories of their own crazy food mishaps.

From that day on, Jake and his coworker became known as the office pranksters, always finding new and inventive ways to make each other laugh. And every time Jake saw a bag of Skittles, he couldn’t help but smile and think of the silly, unforgettable story that started it all.

As Jake and his roommate headed to bed, Jake couldn’t help but feel a sense of satisfaction. Despite the bad bag of Skittles, he had managed to turn a disappointing situation into a hilarious prank that would bring a smile to someone’s face.

The next day, as Jake arrived at work, he was met with a chorus of laughter from his coworkers.

“What’s so funny?” Jake asked, confused.

His coworker, the one who had received the surprise dingleberry, handed him a bag of Skittles and said, “I have a surprise for you too.”

Jake looked inside the bag and couldn’t believe what he saw – it was filled with nothing but green Skittles!

Jake’s coworker explained, “I figured since you’re such a big fan of Skittles, I would get you a bag of your favorite flavor. I went through every bag in the store until I found one that had nothing but greens.”

Jake couldn’t stop laughing at what had happened. He had started a prank with a rogue jellybean, and it had somehow escalated into a hilarious Skittles-themed prank war between him and his coworker.

Shittles men's underwear

And then something else weird happened. Jakes brought home a bag of Kibbles ‘N Bits dog food and when he poured it out for his pup, he noticed several dingleberries in the mix. “Oh, no, not again,” Jake thought. First, Shittles candy and now Shittles ‘N Bits dog food. “Now, I’m afraid to travel to my aunt’s house as it may turn into Shittle House on the Prairie.

Written by John Candyman

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