Once upon a time, there was a guy named Sam the Man who was in a hurry to get to work. He woke up late and had to rush to get ready. In his haste, he forgot to properly wipe himself after using the restroom (this happened more often than one would think).
As he was walking to work, he suddenly felt a strange sensation in his underwear. He tried to ignore it and continue on his way, but the feeling only grew stronger (along with the aroma). Eventually, he couldn’t take it anymore and went to the restroom to investigate.
To his horror, he discovered that he had left skid marks in his underwear! Mortified, he tried to figure out what to do. He couldn’t go to work with dirty, smelly underwear, but he didn’t have a spare pair. Nor did he have a square to spare to wipe himself.
Desperate for a solution, he remembered that there was a convenience store nearby. He rushed over and frantically searched for a new pair of underwear. But all he could find were kids’ superhero-themed briefs.
Feeling embarrassed and defeated, Sam the Man decided to just go with it and bought the briefs. As he put them on in the restroom, he couldn’t help but chuckle at the irony of a grown man wearing Batman underwear to work.
To his surprise, nobody in the men’s restroom at work seemed to notice or care about his unusual choice of underwear. In fact, one of his colleagues even complimented him on his “fun” choice of undergarments.
From that day on, Sam vowed to make sure to double-check his hygiene before leaving the house. He couldn’t help but laugh at the memory of his unexpected superhero fashion statement.
Sam thought that the embarrassing incident was over and he could move on, but little did he know that fate had other plans for him.
A few weeks later, Sam was attending a job interview at a prestigious company. He had dressed to impress and was feeling as confident as a superhero in a room full of Wimpy clones. As he was being escorted to the interview room by a friendly receptionist, he felt that all too familiar sensation in his underwear again and a lingering aroma.
Panic set in as he realized he had forgotten to check his hygiene once more. He tried to discreetly adjust himself, but it was too late. The receptionist noticed his uncomfortable behavior and asked if he was okay.
Sam tried to play it cool, but he knew he had to do something. He quickly excused himself to the restroom and assessed the damage. This time, he had left not one, but two skid marks in his underwear and thick, smudgy ones at that!
Feeling defeated and embarrassed, Sam knew he couldn’t go to the interview like this. He had no spare underwear and no time to buy any. He looked around frantically for any solution.
In a moment of desperation, he remembered that he had a small bottle of hand sanitizer in his bag. Without thinking twice, he poured the entire contents onto his underwear and rubbed vigorously.
He looked down at his now damp and pungent underwear and couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity of the situation. He had turned his Batman briefs into a makeshift wet wipe!
Feeling somewhat refreshed and a little more confident, Sam returned to the interview room. He couldn’t shake the feeling that the receptionist was giving him a strange look, but he pushed it aside and tried to focus on the interview.
As it turns out, the interview went surprisingly well. Sam was offered the job on the spot! He couldn’t believe it – he had managed to land his dream job despite his underwear mishap.
Sam left the building feeling relieved and grateful, but also a little bit traumatized. He promised himself he would always double-check his hygiene before leaving the house from then on, no matter how rushed or busy he was (and actually mean it this time). Plus he would definitely invest in some spare underwear.
Sam thought he had seen the last of his embarrassing underwear mishaps, but fate had one more event in store for him. One day, while he was out running errands Sam felt the dreaded sensation once again. He quickly realized that he had forgotten to put on underwear that morning! He had rushed out of the house so quickly that he had completely forgotten to put on pants too (yes, you are starting to get that Sam is a bit of an airhead).
Panicking, Sam looked around for a solution. He spotted a thrift store across the street and decided to make a run for it. He quickly grabbed a pair of used underwear off the rack and ran to the checkout.
The cashier gave him a strange look as he paid for the underwear, but Sam was too embarrassed to explain. He quickly ran to the restroom to put them on, praying that they would at least be clean.
As he pulled up the used underwear, he realized that they were far too tight. He struggled to get them up over his thighs and winced as they dug into his skin. He looked in the mirror and laughed at how ridiculous he looked.
Just then, an elderly man walked into the restroom and caught a glimpse of Sam’s predicament. The man looked Sam up and down and said, “Son, those are not your size.”
Sam chuckled nervously and replied, “Yeah, I kind of figured that out. But desperate times call for desperate measures, you know?”
The old man shook his head and chuckled. “Well, I hope you learned your lesson. Always check your pants before you leave the house.”
Sam nodded in agreement and quickly left the restroom, feeling grateful for the old man’s wise words (at least they were wise to Sam, but no one else). As he walked out of the thrift store, Sam the Man couldn’t help but laugh. He had gone from Batman briefs to used, too-tight underwear in a matter of weeks.
Just then, he heard someone calling his name. He turned around to see his boss from his new job walking towards him.
“Sam, what are you doing here?” his boss asked.
Sam looked down at his too-tight used underwear and back up at his boss. “Uh, just doing some shopping. You know, trying to find the right fit.”
His boss raised an eyebrow and gave him a strange look. “Well, I hope you find what you’re looking for. And maybe some pants, Same, hm, maybe some pants, too.”
Sam quickly scurried away, trying to avoid any further embarrassment. As he walked home, he couldn’t help but laugh at how ridiculous the whole situation was. He decided that from now on, he would always check his pants before leaving the house – and maybe invest in a few spare pairs of underwear too. And he would even put a reminder on his phone and Outlook calendar as well.
As Sam continued walking down the street, still chuckling to himself about his ridiculous day, he felt a strange sensation in his nether regions. He stopped in his tracks and looked down to see the used, too-tight underwear slipping down his legs.
Panicking, Sam tried to pull them back up, but they were too tight and wouldn’t budge. He looked around for a place to hide and saw a nearby bush. Without thinking twice, he dove into the bush and tried to pull up his falling underwear. This worked temporarily, so he came out from behind the bushes and continued on his journey to find pants.
Then he heard a loud ripping sound. To his horror, the used underwear had completely torn apart! Sam was now standing in the middle of the street with a ripped pair of used underwear around his ankles.
To make matters worse, a group of tourists had just walked by and witnessed the whole ordeal. They began pointing and laughing, taking pictures and videos of the spectacle. Social media would soon be lighting up.
Sam felt completely mortified and wanted to disappear into thin air. He tried to pull up his undies, but they were now completely stuck on his ankles. He hopped and waddled down the street, trying to cover his groin as best as he could, but it was no use.
Just then, a kind-hearted stranger came to his rescue. The stranger offered to help Sam fix his underwear and led him to a nearby store where they could buy some new shorts.
As Sam left the store with a fresh pair of underwear and pants that actually fit, he couldn’t help but laugh at the event. He had gone from skid marks on underwear to too-tight used undies to a public shorts-ripping incident – all in the span of a few weeks.
With a new appreciation for the importance of checking his pants and underwear before leaving the house, Sam felt confident that he wouldn’t have any more embarrassing mishaps. However, fate had one more trick up its sleeve.
One day, as Sam was leaving for work, he looked down to check his pants and saw a bright red sock sticking out of his pants leg. He reached down to pull it out and realized to his horror that it wasn’t a sock at all – it was a pair of his daughter’s underwear!
Sam couldn’t help but laugh at the foolishness of it all. He had gone from underwear skid marks to now wearing his daughter’s underwear to work. He knew about Bring Your Daughter to Work Day, but not bring your daughter’s underwear to work day.
As he walked out the door, he couldn’t wait to see the looks on his co-workers’ faces in the men’s room when they saw his bright red “sock.” He knew he would never live this one down with the guys, but at least it was a hilarious story to tell.
And from that day forward, he made sure to double-check his pants for any unexpected surprises, such as skid marks in the underwear and worse, before leaving the house. Apparently, Sam the Man was going to need more help than a phone and Outlook reminder and was checking into electroshock apps that may be a good deterrent for future events.
A few years later we find Sam the Man on the TV show Shark Tank pitching a pair of self-bleaching men’s underwear that automatically remove skid marks and odor. He teams up with Mark Cuban and Mr. Wonderful to revolutionize the world of men’s undies!